Dec 16, 2012

Blue Collar Soul Song 5: Take Time

I was at work when my sister called 
to tell me that our mom was in intensive care..
I didn't know what to think..
My mind moving in different directions 
at the same time..
was she gonna be okay? how severe was it..
they told me she was conscious.. 
could I speak to her? 

And so I spoke to her.. 
she was calm..
kinda nonchalant about her being there.. 
said people in ICU are usually not conscious.. 
let alone able to talk..
and so really why was she there?!
told me they were planning 
to move her to a different area
for her to rehabilitate..
I felt a little bit relieved 
to have the chance to talk to her..
my spirit more at ease now..
I told her I would be there asap..
told her I loved her.. and she told me 
she loved me too "very much"..

That is the last time I ever heard my mother's voice..

later I heard that my mother had decided 
that she wanted to go home
to be where she was most familiar 
and with the people she loved..

I was asleep on the airplane.. lights low
flying over the water.. 
when out of nowhere i woke up..
and heard this thought in my head.. 
"I'm going home to bury my mother.."
thinking back i believe that  moment
to be the actual time of her passing..
when I arrived home 
she had passed on already..
looking at her it looked as if she was sleeping.. 
the whole thing unreal..

The next few weeks felt like a dream..
like the end of a story an era a trip to the moon..
beautiful sad vulnerable..
we laughed cried shared a bond with lovedones ..
we recorded music.. right there in the house..
the same house where moms had scolded me 
so many times before
for bumping the bass too loud 
When i was younger..
only for her to later tell me how good it felt
to once again hear music  being played 
loud in the house 
whenever i would come back to visit 

This song was in part recorded there
Martijn moved his whole setup to the house
to record violins and vocals..
we had talked about the acoustics of the house..
i mean the house had an open staircase with high ceilings and was made of almost all wood..
an engineer's dream..
see part of me wonders now how at the time i could play music..
but at the time it didn't feel like my mother was dead..
and to me she wasn't.. and in some ways she still isn't ..
so really.. how could i not?!
i mean if there is one thing i know
is that my mom loves music..
and her changing outfits don't change that..

moms had told me many times that although she missed me
for me not to worry because she had good people around her..
in those moments after her demise i got to meet those people..
and i felt blessed to find out this to be true..
see moms always had a right-on sense of intuition
along with a good judge of character..
one of those people was her live-in students turned daughter agathe
originally from paris she came to the city to study violin..
only to become one of us.. part of our family 

my nephew thomas and his friend samir did the intro..
and two incredible other artists from maastricht on the track with me

the foundation for the song had been recorded in harlem ny..
as part of a jamsession we had there..
with Mr. MacDonald on percussion and Artem Kulakov among others 
the song one of a kind in its meaning
personal beyond words..


I felt my heart explode 
when he read those words about how you and I were
"just the way we were"
alors salut mon amour tu vis dans mon coeur
had my brothers by my side my tears they cried
all of us wondered why
mercy me, my moma just died
11.30 in the evening breathed out her last sigh
I'm seeing, but i'm having trouble believing 
got that mixed up feeling,
told me all the facts but i can't find one reason
me and my sisters did our best for us to say goodbye in person 
but you already closed your eyes so moma rest in peace god bless
yeah moma, god bless
you were a lioness both to your cubs and foes 
precious like a rose, with thorns god knows
yeah he knows, what it's all about 
lieve mama rust maar zacht.. ik hou van jou 


Ik bewandel de wegen, in wereld weide steden
Zonder me te bewegen de mensen laten me leven
Zie de zon in de regen want anders leid t tot niets
Op momenten van bezinning zit ik rijmend op de fiets
Zie ik de straten van de appel, maar ook de stroming van de maas
Ook al verlies ik soms mezelf, beloof ik blijf t de baas
En zo kijk terug naar tafel gesprekken
Stategaard staat me aan nu staan we wat sterker
We... zeiden salut nu is het goed zo
en hoe dan ook ik doe het zo zoals ik hoop dat jij verwacht hebt
Streef naar hoe ik denk, dat jij t gehad hebt
Mischien een utopie maar ik zeg fak it dus fak het


Kijk niet naar het hele plaatje als je pas de helft ziet 
want zo werkt het niet, Yila Julio en 
Gregory Green laten je zien hoe we te werk gaan 
dat we sterk staan met beide benen op de vlakte 
hou me op de vlakte neem genoeg afstand
maar kijk je in je ogen aan geen plek waar we niet mogen gaan 
toch hou het simple in de circle maar draai er nou niet omheen 
we laten je zien meteen hoe we tapen
verschillende wegen die kruisen 
van NYC tot aan het Zuiden

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